My daddy, my daddy
The intentionality of God
I can count how many times I’ve been sick since I turned an adult. Aside from the church, the hospital was my third home when I was younger. I experienced severe hormone imbalances. This impacted my studies, relationships, and even my devotion to God.
I’m a workaholic, as I’ve been told and realized for myself. So anytime I sense an imminent sickness, I fight it. I can’t afford to be sick; there’s so much to do and no one to do it for me.
I’m working on my ability to ask for assistance. Anyone who knows me well understands how perfectionistic I can be. I don’t frequently ask for help because people won’t do the task the way I want them to since they don’t share my expectations for the outcome. It wastes time and energy on both sides when I could have done it alone from the start.
I detest it since I am powerless to criticise the individual who was really trying to assist. I also don't want to be a fawn and show my gratitude for something I will still have to redo. I, therefore, rely on myself to complete my work.
Even when I'm sick, I force myself to work. Work is soothing, in a twisted sense. I was prepared to endure a severe migraine last month in order to go to my “9–5.” On my bed, the Lord pressed me, imploring me to take a nap and spend some time with him.
This wasn’t the Lord’s first rodeo with me. I had a similar experience last year.
The nature of my job has frequently interfered with my relationships, so much so that the Lord orchestrates times like this, permitting sickness to have a conversation with me, especially during urgent times that require hours of searching scripture and travailing.
Whenever they happen, I don’t resist. I put aside work and create the space for God to talk. I have discovered how intense and deliberate God is with the littlest details of our lives. He is that guy who notices the one strand of grey hair on your head.
I admire God’s ability to pause events so that he and I can talk. Being in God’s presence is a high that cannot be described in words. It is beyond chills and feels.
This experience is relatable to a certain few. I pray that one day the whole world will experience this. Such an experience should not be scarce. I pray you will pursue God until this becomes your reality.
The atmosphere where God is is heavenly, and it is sometimes so hard to end that moment and face life. This is why I try to carry this atmosphere with me wherever I go.
When the realities of life sweep me up, I’m reminded of the intentionality of God in the most insignificant aspect of my life. How much more for the big stuff? He will work all things in my favour.
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.
PSALM 139:13–16 ESV
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