Independence is costly
Realities of Adulthood
When I was in my teens, I knew I wanted to be independent. I wanted to make decisions and be held responsible for the outcome, good or bad.
I wanted to be proud of being that girl who pays her bills and spends her own damn money, parents and boyfriend aside.
The journey to independence started way before I became an adult. Independence for me started financially (I'm glad I learned this one on my own).
I come from a significantly average family—that fine line between not being rich and very far from being poor. My parents are the ones that make sure their children have the best opportunities- education wise, which meant my siblings and I went to the top private schools in the state. My entire education was privately funded.
I saw the strain it put on my parents’ dreams. The best opportunities for me and my siblings translated into limited opportunities for them. They never saw it that way, because, despite their sacrifice, my sisters and I lived comfortably to this day. We may not have been able to afford most of the things we wanted, but my parents made sure we didn’t lack anything we needed.
I watched my parents' average financial situation and how that affected their dreams. I promised to secure the bag in order to sponsor their dreams when I was older. In my own little way, I’m glad I get to do that today.
I learned early enough not to be a daddy’s girl, financially speaking. At university, I started a business and made a reasonable amount of money to reduce the burden on my parents for an allowance. Despite this, my parents continued to send me an allowance. I trained myself not to depend on it—I saved it instead.
In a situation where things took a bad turn, their allowance was my fallback. My mindset was wired to not rely on anyone. I was already making adult decisions upon turning 18 (which technically isn’t considered adulthood in the eyes of you-know-who)
University taught me a lot about being satisfied with being frugal. I knew what I could and couldn't afford—expensive hang out with friends in Lagos, window shopping, and splurging. Frivolous expenses ate up neither my N20,000 (average) allowance nor my business money.
As a result, I became an uncool kid. Nobody needed to tell me that. Being a devoted Christian just added fuel to the fire—I was that churchy-money disciplined girl. But I was fine with it if it meant giving myself permission to be the woman I’m becoming and funding my parent’s dream.
I'm grateful to friends who let us talk about our financial situations, laugh, drink garri and kuli-kuli over them. I understood the opportunity cost of my wants for my needs early enough to have no regrets.
Nothing, however, prepared me for what it really meant to be independent post-graduation, especially when I had no business money coming in. As someone who served in an environment that didn’t accommodate digital business for long, I didn’t make as much as I had hoped.
This made me even more resolute. Despite my business income shortage, I was sending money home. Not that they needed it, just a discipline that is a part of me.
As I said earlier I’m from an average home
What does it mean to come from an average background?
It is the ability to meet your basic needs while also throwing in a little extra for wants, but not in an extravagant manner.
My youth service harnessed in me a certain level of independence from my parents—this was the freedom of living. I was living on my own terms, travelling, and calling a lot of the shots.
Independence has taken a new turn now for me as a 23-year-old professional and businesswoman still living with her parents. I know people typically won’t associate independence with my position, but it is a version that feels different for each of us at varying stages.
Independence is costly for the working-class man who can’t afford to rent an apartment but contributes to the daily expenses in his parent’s home.
Independence is costly for the unemployed lady who lives off the little money she makes from online sales while squatting with a friend.
Independence is costly for the professional whose housing rent is crippling on his meagre paycheck.
An independent life is hard and very costly; however, it is a cost everyone at some point must afford. You must be able to make a decision and be responsible for the outcome.
Independence may look different for various people at different stages of life. However, one thing stands out in common- decision-making, risks taking, family responsibilities and money management.
If you enjoyed reading this, please clap as many times as possible, as it makes the post more visible to those who may like it or learn from it. You can also leave a comment and share it with your guys. I’d love to hear from you, so feel free to follow me on any social media.
