Feminism and why men can’t relate.
A world full of empowered women isn’t one where men are marginalized. It’s a world where everyone thrives. - Purnima Mane
If you as woman tell a man, especially a well-educated and 21st century man that you’re a feminist, their first line of thought will be to tag you as ‘A man hater, proud, boastful, independent, self-problematic’ and about 65% of men strongly believe all feminist possess the same hatred and superiority complex over men.
And it’s such an irony because, this superiority complex alongside the varying structural and institutional barriers, social and systemic inequalities over women was the foundation upon which ‘feminism’ was established to dismantle.
I’m not a feminist and over the course of this article you will come to terms with why? I understand how this foundation is meant to work but I still don’t have a clear understanding why it works the way it does.
Feminism is a movement organized to advocate the equality of the girl child and to eliminate gender disparity in today’s world. This entails equal basic rights, access to education, pushing for equal wages and salaries, discouraging domestic violence/ sexual harassment, supporting women into power/political positions, etc.
The saying that “a girl’s place is in kitchen” that’s the kind of notion feminism is out to correct. When women are deprived of positions in the industry simply because they wear skirt or when a lady is constantly bullied by her male counterparts because she’s not man enough, or when a 10 years old child is forced into marriage after she has seen her messes or when a woman is abused because she lacks the basic instinct of self-defense.
These practices are what laid the foundation for equalizing men and women in today’s society. Because of the norms our fore-fathers have built in the past, they have infringed on the rights of the girl-child. Feminism was created to build a new norm, one that both men and women will standby and regard. I have always considered feminist as super heroes (girl power).
If I was any younger, they probably will take (Supergirl, wonder woman, Charlie angels, Power puff girls) characters. Because only those who stand up for what they believe and fight to ensure that their believes are taken into account are the real super heroes.
Then one begins to ask questions like ‘why do feminist like dragging men’ ‘Why does every feminist have a problem with men” “is feminism another wave of superiority” “are women trying to take the role of men”
The first time I was asked ‘Praise, are you a feminist’ I thought hard about every woman who has used their voice, social platforms, and interactions to de-represent the cause of feminism and it was with clarity I said ‘No’.
The subsequent question my friend ask later was ‘why then do you advocate equality?’. I was stuck for 15 seconds. The longest I had ever taken to reply back on a topic I felt so passionate about and in that 15 seconds, I thought about disregarding all my believes about equality and my dumb love for Wonder woman (if Halloween was allowed in Nigeria, I bet I would have dressed as her).
And after I had gathered my disoriented thought process, I finally said ‘because I’m an equalist”. He laughed, I laughed, we both laughed. It was dumb for me to have said ‘equalist’ (how many people say that).
Most ladies would jump at the opportunity to call themselves feminist, but at that moment I was too ashamed to be tag with the mental believes that came with bearing that name.
I didn’t want my friend to look at me differently or bother me without questions regarding the already mis conceptualized movement. As dumb and uncommon as ‘equalist’ sounded it has stuck with me ever since. I relayed to my friend about how dissatisfied I was with the feminist movement.
We agreed on how the education has improved for the girl child, how many women have become first ladies, president, CEOs, managers, ministers, architects, surveyors, medical doctors, engineer, etc. all jobs that were once believed to be capable by men only. That goes without saying of how proud I’m to be a woman (probably what Bobrisky saw)
Nevertheless, the movement had created misandrist and superiority complex among women. I laid emphasis on the misandrist, given that the foundation was laid to equally spread love while standing on our firm believes. Women hating, Antagonizing, backlashing, insulting and discrediting men was never part of promoting ‘equality’.
The rise of one never meant for the fall of another. The goal was to rise equally. Creating a society of equal acceptance and relevance. These women who believe that feminist automatically makes them better than a man have not only mis-conceptualized the cause of equality but also discourage men from being feminist.
And because of the actions of these women more men are relating feminism with misandry. A twitter friend once said ‘Most feminist are ladies with fatherly issues while growing up…” another said ‘some of them must have been abused by men, hence every man they see take the image of the man that abused them”.
The tweet reminds me so much of a character of a new series I’m working on (spoiler alert). But I couldn’t disregard this, because there was a truth to it. If I was a man and with this rate of hatred spread by some of these celebrities who claim to be ‘feminist’ I will most likely not want to be a part of such movement out to destroy the image of my common parts.
Yes, there are men who deserve to be thrown under the carp, but how you as a feminist decide to handle it will either draw 5 men to your cause or push 20 men against your cause. The issue with these women has made me write this article.
As women we should do better. Do not be the reason men can’t relate to ‘equality or any other movement that gives the girl child an equal opportunity as a boy’. Don’t be the reason your fellow woman in her effort to downgrade a man ends up shaming her fellow woman.
Don’t be the reason people like me end up settling to be called ‘equalist’ because we are too ashamed to be called ‘feminist’. Don’t discourage the younger generation and re-enact the mistakes of our forefather.
Let us avoid being the problem and create an environment for us all to thrive equally. God made man and he made woman and he loved them both equally.
In my dreams I still see super heroes living among us, Emma Watson; Michelle Obama; Oprah Winfrey, Hillary Clinton, Madonna, Alice Walker, and Meghan Markle, not because of their privileges but because of what they have used their privileges to represent; that a woman can be anything she damn well please.
I’m still not proud to be called a feminist, and until I have a reason to believe otherwise, I remain PRAISE ADEOLA ‘The Equalist’ and I hope other women who believe in what I believe, to be a new foundation, should hop on this Ferris ride to an equal society.
