Feelings, Emotions and Unrequited Love.
This article is slightly different from the mundane articles I write. It is more “what-broke-my-heart-but-should-help-protect-yours” story.
I detest the way your smile makes me grin and flaps the wings of the butterfly in my belly.
I despise the fact that what affects you affects me in ways that should be illegal. No one should have this much effect on a person, it isn’t right
I hate it when people use your name to get to me—to initiate a blush or provoke my anger.
I hate that my body responds to your skin’s graze against mine with just an innocent touch.
I miss you when you’re away for too long and wish you could stay away for long, so I can get over you quickly.
Every space you enter is altered by your presence, and as you depart, your scent is left behind.
I detest the way your voice makes my name sound perfect, as if it has been waiting for you to give it meaning.
I despise the romantic fantasies I conjure up in my head because they are forbidden to express and cannot be seen.
I detest how willingly I will give up everything I have to make you happy.
I hate that you matter and occupy the space of my mind and heart.
When you’re around, I don’t shine as much, my words falter like sand, and my demeanour loses its politeness.
When I haven’t seen you for a while, I hunt for you out of worry and pain.
I appreciate your sense of humour and your openness to me.
I adore being the custodian of your sorrows, triumphs, insecurities, hopes, and losses.
But I hate that you trust yours with me and refuse to let me trust mine with you. I hate that I hate this.
I hate that I get angry with you over the inconsequential and make you think of me as a childish adult. I detest what your actions and inactions make of me.
I despise that you have put me in a situation where I’m at the losing end, I cry myself to sleep and make many failed attempts to get over you.
I hate that I have to constantly remind myself that our journey will ultimately end at a cross-road, with you heading down one path in the hands of another. It sucks
I can express this in detail because I have once been consumed by the affections of someone who didn’t know how to be official with me- a term we call situation-ship and for some, a crush.
I never knew feelings and emotions were things that concerned God until I started to talk to Him about how I felt, and He started helping me out until I got out of that situation.
Every time I notice I’m having feelings that are unrequited or ones I shouldn’t entertain, I take them to Jesus. And while Christ is faithful to help me with my feelings, there was my part to play in removing myself from the situation.
I had to discipline myself to stay away from anything that will aggravate my feelings. It wasn’t easy but Jesus came through for me all the time.
So, take this as your wake-up call or sign- whatever you need to pull yourself out of your feelings.
“So above all, guard the affections of your heart, for they affect all that you are.”
Proverbs 4:23 (TPT)
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